Match Your Message to Your Body Language at Work: Communicate by Design

When I moved The Modern Manager from an audio show to a video podcast, I learned something uncomfortable about myself. I didn't look like I was listening.

For years I'd taken notes while guests talked, looked up into the corner while I thought, scrunched my face, and fussed with my hands. None of that was distraction. It was just how I processed quickly, trying to listen deeply while determining the next great question to ask. But on camera, it read as checked out. So I had to learn to sit, look directly at my guest, take in what they were saying, and send back positive energy, all at once, while still doing that internal processing. It did not come naturally.

That gap between what's going on inside and what people see is exactly what Gina London helps leaders close. Gina is a former CNN correspondent, an Emmy-winning journalist, and the author of Amplify You: How to Power Up Your Connections in an AI World. Her starting point is a line I keep repeating to myself: you're never not communicating.

Your Team Is Reading You Even When You're Not Talking

Gina told me about a senior leader who rushed into the office every morning with his head down and his phone in his hand, tossed his keys to the receptionist, and disappeared into his office. Twenty minutes later he might come out and say hello. But his team had already gotten the message: I'm too busy for you.

As Gina puts it, you're either communicating by design or by default, and most of us are on default. To shift, she uses what she calls her ADD principle. First, awareness of how others perceive you. Second, the desire to leave a positive, integrity-filled impression. Third, the daily discipline of doing things differently. Her point is that action comes first. Change what you do, and the way you see yourself follows.

A Flat Listening Face Isn't Neutral

This was the part that hit me hardest. Gina says that if your listening face looks flat, that's negative, not neutral. Thankfully, you don't need to turn into a bobblehead. You jut need to look like you're trying to understand the other person's point of view instead of waiting for your turn to talk.

She also points to small choices that send big signals:

• Your phone. Holding it, or leaving it face up on the desk, tells the person in front of you they're competing for your attention. Put it out of sight. If you need it nearby because your kid is home sick, say so and make it the exception.

• Where you sit. Talking to a direct report from across the room feels very different from sitting close to them, ideally at a small round table.

• Your posture. I notice this constantly in meetings now. Someone settles back in their chair because they're comfortable, and it reads as disengaged. Sitting upright and leaning in is a tiny shift with a big effect on the person across the table.

Then there’s the habit managers struggle with most: jumping in with the answer. Gina points to Michael Bungay Stanier’s advice about taming the urge to solve. You have more experience, so you see the short path from A to B, and you want to say it. But when the answer comes out that fast, it tells the other person you were only listening so you could respond. So instead of saying “Here’s what I’d do,” ask “What would you do?” or “What do you think is the blocker?”

This Isn't Fake It Till You Make It

Some people hear all of this and think it sounds like performing. Gina pushes right back. She defines authenticity as how consistently your behaviors show your internal values. So if one of your values is being there for your team, sitting up and putting the phone away is how you show it. Internally, I'm fully engaged. The work is making sure my face and body say the same thing.

She also uses the Eiffel Tower metaphor to describe relationships. When you're new to a team, you're standing at the base. People don't know you yet, so you're a little more formal and a little more intentional.  As trust builds, you can relax. People have already taken steps up the tower to get to know you.

When one of her clients insisted people should just get to know "the real me," Gina's answer was that your first impression sets the weather. Don't make people excavate to find you. Build the bridge to them.

Yes, What You Wear Matters Too

Appearance is the touchy one, especially after years of working from home in yoga pants. Gina's advice is situational. Read your culture, take cues from your senior leaders, and dress for the job you want. Early in her career she worked the overnight shift at a local TV station where people came in wearing pajamas. She showed up every night in a suit. When a field producer called in sick, she was the only one dressed to go out, and that was her first break.

This isn't about turning everyone into a carbon copy. It's about respect for the people in the room. Gina describes your words, your voice and body language, and your look as three legs of one stool. If one is shaky, the whole thing is less steady.

Your team is going to read you either way. The only question is whether you're the one choosing the message.

Keep up with Gina London

• Free guide, Network with Confidence: https://pages.ginalondon.com/network-with-confidence

• Website: https://ginalondon.com

• Book: Amplify You: How to Power Up Your Connections in an AI World, available at ginalondon.com, Amazon, and Barnes & Noble

• LinkedIn: https://ie.linkedin.com/in/ginalondon

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theginalondon

• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheGinaLondon/

The Modern Manager is a leadership podcast for rockstar managers who want to close the gap between knowing what good management is and actually doing it.