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Writer's pictureMamie Kanfer Stewart

How to Fire an Employee with Compassion and Confidence

As a manager, you will inevitably face the uncomfortable task of firing someone. It’s one of the most challenging parts of leadership and yet there is no way to avoid it. However, by understanding when it’s time to let someone go and handling the process with compassion, you can approach this situation confidently, ensuring respect for both the employee and your team.


To help us navigate the sensitive and complex situation of firing an employee, I spoke with HR expert Jackie Koch, who has over 15 years of experience in Fortune 500 companies, startups, and small businesses. Here, she breaks down how you can prepare for and navigate the process of firing someone without feeling like “the bad guy.”


When Is It Time to Fire an Employee?


In my own experience, it’s not always easy to determine when it’s truly time to let someone go. While some situations (like policy violations) clearly warrant immediate termination, most firings are the result of ongoing performance issues. Jackie explains that there are two key questions to ask before you make the decision to terminate an employee:


1. Have they been clearly told about their performance issues?

2. Have they been given the opportunity and support to improve?


If the answer to both is yes and still not enough improvement has been made, then it may be time to part ways. Most importantly, Jackie notes that firing should never come as a surprise. The employee should already be aware of their performance problems and have had multiple chances to correct them. Surprising someone with a termination not only feels wrong but can be damaging for the morale of your team.


Clear Communication Is Essential


One of the most common mistakes managers make is being unclear when giving feedback. According to Jackie, many managers think they’ve communicated clearly about performance issues, but the employee may not have fully understood the gravity of the situation. 


To prevent this, follow up any performance conversation with a written summary. This recap email ensures that the employee knows exactly what’s expected of them. It also serves as documentation, which is crucial in case further action is needed. A typical email might include:


- The performance issues that were discussed

- What the employee needs to improve

- Any resources or support that will be provided

- A timeline for reviewing their progress


Then, be sure to schedule a meeting 30 days later to check in on progress. This gives you an opportunity to reinforce the performance concern, offer additional support and/or celebrate progress.


Prepare for the Firing Conversation


While there is no perfect day to fire someone, don’t delay once the decision has been made. The longer you wait, the more anxiety it creates for both you and the employee. Just be thoughtful about when the conversation will happen based on the person’s workload and schedule. 


In addition to timing, the way you handle the conversation can make a big difference in how it is received. Jackie recommends entering the conversation knowing exactly what you’re going to say. 


To start, lead with the decision. Be clear and direct, saying something like, “We’ve discussed your performance issues over the past few months, and unfortunately, the role is no longer the right fit for you. Today will be your last day.”


Also be prepared to answer questions about the next steps and transition. For example, explain when their final paycheck will be issued, how company equipment should be returned or accounts will be managed. (To help you ensure you’re following all proper protocol and regulatory requirements, be sure to connect with an HR specialist or employment lawyer ahead of time.)


Jackie urges us to remember that while it’s important to be clear and direct, this is still a person with whom you’ve built a relationship. Give them a moment to digest the information, and if they ask for more clarification, be empathetic but firm. You don’t need to rehash all their performance struggles. Simply remind them of the conversations you’ve already had.


It’s Not About You


Both you and the employee will likely feel uncomfortable during this process, but Jackie reminds us that the firing conversation is not about the manager’s feelings. This is about the employee, and they are likely more focused on their own situation than how awkward you may feel.


While it can be tempting to apologize or over-explain, it’s crucial to stay composed and avoid making the situation about you. Jackie notes that saying things like, “I feel terrible about this” doesn’t make the employee feel better. It can actually undermine their dignity. 


Manage the Aftermath 


Once the conversation is done, your responsibility as a manager doesn’t end. How you handle the aftermath is just as important. You need to ensure that your team is informed in a way that respects the departing employee’s privacy while maintaining transparency.


Consider telling the team that the individual has left the organization without going into unnecessary detail. Encourage your team to focus on the future and how you will move forward together. This will help maintain morale and demonstrate that, while the decision was difficult, it was necessary for the health of the team.


Letting someone go will never be easy, but it doesn’t have to be an antagonistic or painful experience. By approaching the process with clarity, empathy, and a well-thought-out plan, you can ensure that the employee leaves with their dignity intact, and your team remains focused and motivated.


By implementing these strategies, you can fire someone in a way that feels both respectful and fair, giving you the confidence to make tough decisions without feeling like the bad guy.


Listen to the entire episode HERE to learn more about conflict management.



Keep up with Jackie Koch- Follow Jackie on LinkedIn and Instagram- Check out her website for more information here- Subscribe to her podcast, World’s Greatest Boss here


Guest Bonus: 5 Complimentary HR Audits 


Jackie is generously offering five free HR audits to members of Podcast+. Normally priced at $249, the HR Audit includes a self-assessment and a 60-minute call with Jackie or her business partner to review everything and talk through suggested changes to implement.



Get this guest bonus and many other member benefits when you join The Modern Manager Podcast+ Community.

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