We encounter all types of personalities and styles in the workplace. These differences can cause minor friction as we collaborate, but usually there’s a way to work together productively. That is not the case with narcissism. Although a small percentage of people are clinically diagnosed, there is a growing number of people who display narcissistic behaviors. As managers, we need to learn how to protect ourselves and our teams from toxic behaviors as well as find ways to work with individuals who have narcissistic tendencies.
To shed light on this challenging topic, I spoke with Rebecca Zung, a globally recognized negotiation and communications expert, as well as an attorney recognized by U.S. News. She is a bestselling author and the designer of the proven SLAY Method® for negotiating with narcissists.
Here, Rebecca explains the different types of narcissists and how to engage them.
OVERT AND COVERT NARCISSISTS
Narcissism is often associated with charismatic individuals seeking constant validation. These are the folks who are always center stage in conversations, boasting about themselves, and seeking affirmation. This grandiose behavior is obvious, hence the name overt narcissist.
On the other hand, covert narcissists are less noticeable but potentially more harmful, explains Rebecca. They use subtle tactics, showcasing a victim mentality, using charm and manipulation, often deploying insidious strategies like “love bombing.” They quickly establish a deep connection before acting on their hidden agendas. Being passive-aggressive, they are experts in manipulating situations to their advantage – stirring the pot, creating conflicts, and then sliding under the radar.
For example, a covert narcissist may point out an employee who is arriving late or leaving early, intentionally creating unnecessary tension among coworkers. When they do so, they appear to be coming from a place of deep concern, making it hard to fault them for raising the issue. These behaviors may seem trivial but can have a significant impact on team cohesion and productivity.
ADDRESS NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIOR
Rebecca emphatically encourages managers to document these patterns of behavior. It is essential to identify and document disruptive behavior and create a written record of any agreements, thus enabling managers to confront issues head-on. As she explains, narcissists fear exposure, so having evidence can act as a deterrent.
Additionally, Rebecca puts their behavior in context. Childhood trauma often fuels narcissistic behavior, leading to emotionally volatile responses to perceived threats or slights. Dealing with a narcissist requires a unique approach, given the lack of empathy and awareness these individuals possess. Setting boundaries, observing behaviors, and responding calmly can help maintain a respectful environment and navigate the complexities of dealing with narcissists.
Rebecca noted that it’s important not to absorb or get caught up in the emotional outburst of a narcissist. Instead, she recommends putting on an “invisible shield” that allows you to stay calm and confident. She further explained that when you stand up to them, demand being treated with respect, and ignore their attempts to ensnare you, they tend to give up and look for easier targets.
SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO MAKE A CHANGE
Creating a healthy work environment involves respectful collaboration and equal sharing, but that isn’t always possible with narcissists. Such relationships often prove unsustainable and emotionally draining in the long run. Rebecca notes that there may come a point when you have to decide if staying in this job is worth the toll it’s taking on your mental and emotional wellbeing. Plus, as a manager, you need to be aware of the impact of narcissistic behavior on your team members and ensure their health and safety are prioritized.
Remember that life is short, and you deserve a workplace where you feel empowered, heard, and respected. Dealing with high-conflict employees can cost companies billions and consume a significant portion of a manager’s day. Take the appropriate steps to neutralize the behaviors, but don’t be afraid to consider making a staffing change if someone is causing significant stress that is ultimately hurting your team’s effectiveness. When we make the hard decision to prioritize the team’s wellbeing over one person’s negative behaviors, we demonstrate leadership and enable our team to thrive.
Listen to the entire episode HERE.
Keep up with Rebecca Zung
$1,000 Discount on Slay Certification Program
Rebecca is offering a $1,000 discount on her Slay Certification Program to members of Podcast+. This one-of-a-kind coaching program equips you with the essential tools to help people effectively navigate narcissistic or difficult people by applying the transformative power of the SLAY® Method.
To get this bonus and many other member benefits, become a member of The Modern Manager Podcast+ Community.
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