As managers, we are constantly reminded of the importance of showing appreciation and offering praise. While these expressions of recognition are essential, there’s a deeper, often overlooked element that can truly transform the way people feel at work: validation. Validation goes beyond “thank you” and “great job.” It creates a sense of acceptance and belonging, allowing individuals to feel genuinely seen and heard. It’s a subtle but powerful shift that can have a profound impact on relationships, collaboration, and overall team performance.
In my conversation with Dr. Caroline Fleck, licensed psychologist, corporate consultant, author of Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life, she unpacks how managers can employ the skills of validation to strengthen relationships and engagement in the workplace.
Validation Leads People to Feel Seen and Heard
At its core, validation is the act of communicating that you are present, that you understand someone’s experience, and that you care. Unlike praise, which is a judgment based on performance or outcomes, validation is unconditional and focused on the individual. It doesn’t require agreement or approval. It simply acknowledges the other person’s reality and affirms that their perspective, experience or feelings are valid.
Caroline notes that this distinction is important because many people confuse validation with praise or agreement. But you don’t have to share someone’s opinion to validate their experience. In fact, validation becomes even more critical when there’s disagreement or tension. In those moments, it becomes a tool for building bridges and maintaining trust.
One of the most significant outcomes of validation is its ability to enhance psychological safety. When employees feel psychologically safe, they are more likely to contribute ideas, take risks, and remain engaged. They trust that they won’t be punished or dismissed for speaking up, and they feel secure enough to be themselves. According to Caroline’s research, validation helps create this environment by consistently reinforcing the message: “You matter. I see you. Your voice is important.”
This sense of belonging is not just good for morale—it’s good for business. Teams that feel safe and connected tend to perform better, experience less turnover, and show higher levels of collaboration and innovation. Managers who understand the mechanics of validation can unlock a new level of influence and trust with their teams.
The Three Core Elements of Validation
Caroline explains that validation can be broken down into three key components: mindfulness, understanding, and empathy. Each plays a distinct role and builds on the others.
Mindfulness involves being fully present and engaged in the conversation. It’s the foundation of all validating responses. By showing up without judgment and with full attention, a manager communicates that the other person’s experience is worth noticing.
Understanding goes a step further. It means being able to logically connect with the other person’s point of view. Even if you don’t agree, you can recognize the logic or reasoning behind what they’re saying. This level of validation shows that you’re not just hearing their words—you’re thinking through their experience.
Empathy adds an emotional dimension. It reflects a deep emotional resonance with the other person’s feelings. When you can emotionally connect and relate to what someone is going through, the validation becomes even more powerful.
Caroline underscored that not every situation requires all three elements. Sometimes, just being mindful and attentive is enough. The level of validation can and should vary depending on the context and your relationship with the person.
Practical Ways to Practice Validation
Validation is a skill that can be learned and developed through intentional practice. Caroline offered one of the simplest and most effective techniques, “copying,” which involves subtly mirroring someone’s language or body language. This technique taps into our innate social wiring and can create an immediate sense of connection and understanding.
Another method involves reflecting back what the other person is saying. Simply repeating or summarizing their words can show that you’re listening and taking them seriously. It’s a low-effort, high-impact way to demonstrate mindfulness and respect.
To move into deeper levels of validation, managers can work on identifying the emotions or beliefs behind someone’s statements. For example, if an employee is expressing frustration about a situation, try to articulate what they might be feeling or thinking. This requires sensitivity and a willingness to get it wrong sometimes—but even a failed attempt can lead to a richer, more honest conversation if handled with care.
Validation Without Agreement
One of the most powerful aspects of validation is that it doesn’t require agreement. In fact, learning to validate someone while holding a different opinion is one of the most useful skills a leader can develop. It allows you to maintain respectful, open dialogue even in the midst of disagreement.
Caroline encourages us to look for what’s valid in the other person’s perspective. Even if you ultimately choose a different direction or disagree with their solution, you can still acknowledge that their point of view makes sense based on their experience. This kind of response diffuses tension, lowers defensiveness, and keeps conversations productive.
Too often, managers jump into problem-solving or debate mode without first recognizing the other person’s experience. That tendency to “fix” or “correct” can feel invalidating and lead to resistance. By pausing to validate first, you open the door to more thoughtful, receptive conversations.
Start with the intention of letting validation land before offering your own ideas or solutions. Specifically, Caroline suggests avoiding the urge to immediately follow validation with a “but”—this can undo the effect and make it feel like your empathy was just a preface to disagreement.
Instead, allow a moment of pause. Let the person feel truly heard. Then, once the emotional dust settles and the connection has been made, it’s often much easier to move forward collaboratively. Whether you’re leading a meeting, offering feedback, or navigating conflict, the ability to validate effectively sets the tone for respect, openness, and real progress.
Bringing Validation Into Your Leadership Style
Integrating validation into your leadership doesn’t mean being overly sentimental or avoiding tough conversations. It means choosing to see and acknowledge the people behind the work. It means slowing down long enough to consider how your words are landing, and being willing to put connection ahead of correction—at least in the beginning.
Start small. Practice mindfulness by being fully present in your next one-on-one. Reflect back what you’re hearing in a team meeting. Try identifying the underlying emotions behind a colleague’s frustration. And above all, notice how people respond. Chances are, they’ll lean in rather than shut down.
By embracing validation as a core leadership skill, you’ll not only strengthen your relationships at work—you’ll help create a culture where everyone feels seen, valued, and empowered to bring their best.
Listen to the entire episode HERE to learn more about how to leverage the power of validation.
Keep up with Caroline Fleck
- Grab a copy of her book here
- Visit her website for more information here
Guest Bonus: Discount on Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life
Full of captivating stories, laugh-out-loud moments, and actionable takeaways, Validation reveals how the science of seeing and being seen is the key to inner and interpersonal transformation.
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