What's the most important skill a manager must have? You might be thinking it's the ability to give clear directions, motivate people, or drive results. While all of those are essential, they rely on an often overlooked skill: asking questions.
In a recent interview with Deb Calvert, a certified executive coach and author of DISCOVER Questions® for Connections, Clarity & Control, and two previous bestsellers, Deb walked me through the art of asking questions and how to turn the most common questions managers ask (that aren't very helpful) into compelling and valuable inquiries.
Why Ask Better Questions
Do you ever feel like your questions are going nowhere? Well, not all leaders are naturally great at asking questions. It turns out that questioning is a skill; like any skill, it requires awareness and practice to master it.
According to Deb, research has shown there are a myriad of benefits that come from asking good questions. She emphasizes how asking better questions improves connections with people, achieves clarity, and helps us gain control while navigating through a challenge.
Asking Doesn't Mean You're Weak
All too often, people are afraid to ask because they either have been burned by asking questions or have seen others get negative responses when they ask. Asking questions has, therefore, become risky.
Narratives like, "I shouldn't ask because then it’s obvious that I don't know the answer," or something like, "Asking too many questions is rude or wastes time," miss the real essence of asking questions.
When you ask questions, you put yourself in the driver's seat–controlling the direction of the conversation to get what you need, and that's what questions are for!
Stop Asking These
While asking questions is highly encouraged, throwing out poorly worded or sub-optimal questions does us a disservice. From what I've learned from my conversation with Deb, you have to first figure out what you need to know and then frame your question to get the outcome you want.
So, if you're a manager who wants active participation from your team members on your next project, here are the four common questions you should stop asking your team and Deb’s alternative questions.
1. Any questions?
Have you noticed how people look around when you ask them, "Any questions?" at the end of a meeting? Drawing from her extensive experience as a trainer, Deb suggests that instead of asking, "Any questions?" you ask, "What questions do you have for me?".
This question encourages your team to think through what questions they have for you while reconditioning them that the meeting is only over when they are done asking their questions.
2. What do you think?
While it may sound like an encouraging question for others to contribute their ideas freely, it's actually unsafe for people to offer critical feedback or share ideas that differ from yours.
Deb recommends starting with this: "I've got some ideas about XYZ, but I don't know if they're the right ones. I'd love to hear your ideas first.". Then, you put your ideas on the board only after your team is done sharing theirs.
3. How are things going?
I’ve probably asked this question hundreds of times in my life. What I didn’t realize, that Deb pointed out, was that asking this question repeatedly makes people think it's not a genuine question. And it’s not very specific, which leaves the recipient unclear as to what to share with you. So, first, ask yourself what piece of the update you really want to know. Then ask about that.
For example, if you want to know more than just the generalized update where people say, "Oh, we're good." you must narrow your question. Deb suggests that you replace it with, "Where are we on deadline?" or "What’s the latest from the client?".
4. How are you?
Ah, the most overly-used question, which usually gets rote responses from people. Deb has a strong stance on this: only ask this question if you genuinely want to hear how the person is doing. It’s a highly personal question that should be reserved for those with whom you have a trusting relationship.
For people who casually use it to start a conversation, Deb suggests replacing it with less personal topics such as weather updates. Sure, it may seem silly, but it’s neutral and gives you something to discuss. Or, if you know someone is into a sports team or if they’ve shared information about their family, Deb says it’s appropriate to ask a casual question on these topics, such as “How are the Nicks doing?” or “Did your son have a game this weekend?”.
Asking Questions is a Powerful Tool
Questions are the catalyst for exploration and discovery. Learning to ask better questions can be a powerful tool for managers. It can unlock new perspectives, stimulate critical group thinking, and cultivate an environment where team members are comfortable discussing issues affecting their performance and the team. That, in turn, creates a stronger team foundation and deep trust, allowing team members to show up as their best selves at work.
Listen to my entire conversation with Deb Calvert HERE to learn more about improving your questioning skills.
Connect with Deb Calvert:
- Follow Deb on LinkedIn here
- Check out her company’s website here
- Learn more about her training programs and courses here
- Grab a copy of Deb’s book here
Guest Bonus: Discounted 3-Part Masterclass and Signed Book
Members can get an autographed copy of DISCOVER Questions® for Connections, Clarity & Control and access to a 3-part masterclass series to amp up your conversational skills for a total of $35. This is a savings of almost $100 compared to their individual list prices!
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